There are many phases in life that can be challenging transitions, such as retirement or the death of a loved one. However, we forget that there are also many transitions that can be deeply impactful, such as navigating an empty nest or having a smaller social circle. Either way, all of this is a natural occurrence of the passing of time, but the feelings of loss, confusion, and loneliness it can bring can be hard to deal with. But, like all life transitions, these transitions too have a way of allowing for personal growth, a deeper sense of awareness, and a change of perspective to new beginnings.
Children do leave the nest; it’s because they’ve been raised well, and there is an inevitable shift in social dynamics as friends’ commitments change—both require adjustments but don’t have to be daunting.
Understanding the Empty Nest Phase
What does it mean to have an empty nest? This term is often used to refer to a significant milestone that parents experience. For most, their home is filled with noise and laughter as they are raising their children—parents revolve their lives and routines around their family. But, as children get older and begin to pursue studies, careers, and/or families themselves, their parents can be left with a quiet home where those family ties were established. This can feel like an overwhelming experience, but it is important to understand that being a parent is for life, and having an empty nest doesn’t mean that your value or significance has diminished; rather, it just means that you’re transitioning into a life of a different type of freedom as your children discover theirs. Using this time to rediscover your passions, meet goals that you couldn’t before, or even engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment are ideal—the key is to shift your mindset from focusing on what has been lost to what can be gained.
Saying ‘yes’ to new freedoms
The lull of an empty home can feel like a void, but as we know (many from experience) a perspective shift can do a lot for the body and mind. We’d encourage you to focus on the fact that an empty nest also allows you to work on your personal aspirations and dreams.
- Nurture old passions
For many, hectic day-to-day schedules involved working around taking care of others—especially children. More often than not, the dreams and passions, or even simple hobbies, didn’t have time to flourish. Whether you choose to pick up an old passion or start a new one, this is the time. Activities like painting, photography, or learning a musical instrument are some of the common ones. - Health is wealth
As we get older, whether we like it or not, our body and mind often reminds us to take care of our health—be it physical, mental, and/or cognitive. If you might have neglected regular workouts or eating habits previously, now can be the time to invest in your health—activities like yoga, walking, swimming, or even strength training help to boost your energy levels and maintain overall well-being. Even mindfulness practices such as meditation or journaling can help manage stress and sustain emotional resilience. - Experience and explore
Being open to new experiences is one of the best ways to make use of newly acquired free time. One of the ways people choose to explore is through travel—it can be an incredibly enriching experience to expand your horizons, learn about new cultures, and deepen your appreciation for the world around you. This also allows you to not only connect with loved ones that live far away but also helps foster new connections with fellow travelers. - Give back
Having an empty nest can bring about the nagging feeling of purposelessness—more often than not, you’re left wondering what you should do next. A great way to stay connected to your community is through volunteering—through a local NGO, in environmental initiatives, or mentoring underprivileged children. Helping those around you can bring a sense of both purpose and satisfaction along with sustaining healthy bonds and commitments.
Adjusting to a Smaller Social Circle
As we get older, the social dynamics around us—ones that we influenced or were influenced by—naturally begin to evolve. The best way to understand this is that just as life happens to us, it’s also happening to everyone around you—the good and the bad. As you transition into an empty nest and experience your social circle becoming small, try and keep in mind that those around you too are going through transitions of their own. For many, though, reduced social interaction can bring about feelings of loneliness and isolation. But it’s important to recognize that if you notice you have a smaller social circle now than you did before, it is also an opportunity to cultivate more meaningful, quality relationships.
- Nurture your relationships
Having a smaller social circle doesn’t have to mean it’s because of misunderstandings or arguments; more often than not, it’s because people relocate, are starting a family, or even getting a new job. However, if you have relationships that are important to you but are not close in physical distance, find ways to nurture them throughout the year—whether through holiday visits or regular calls/messages. Take the time to deepen those bonds instead of considering them ‘lost’ or far away. - Join local groups
If having a small social circle is something that is bringing you down, you may want to consider meeting new people that share similar interests to you. One way of doing this is joining social groups around your community—such as a book club, a gardening group, or a local walking or hiking club. All these activities help build new friendships but also enrich your life by offering shared experiences and conversations. - Appreciate your own time
Over time we can often feel like we’re happier or more satisfied when we are around people. While having those you love around you is great, being realistic about life also helps bring perspective. It is important to give importance to being comfortable being alone on certain days—enjoying your own time. Not only does this help build emotional resilience and independence, it also can bring a sense of fulfillment. - Strengthen family bonds
Oftentimes children and their friends and families tend to make up many social circles. When children grow up and move on, it’s important to remember that those family bonds—blood or not—don’t have to be gone. Regular calls and occasional visits can help you feel connected with them and also resonate with the feeling of still being part of their lives even though they have moved away.
Cultivating a Positive Mindset
Adjusting to transitions requires a lot of navigating your mindset—the more positive it is, the more positive you approach the situation. Of course, it can be easier said than done, but understanding how you cultivate a positive mindset could bring you close to a new perspective. Instead of focusing on what you’ve lost, it’s important to embrace the opportunities that come with this new phase.
- Focus on what you can control
It’s human nature to feel overwhelmed by new transitions—especially those that have a deafening impact, like not having those you love around you like you used to. But focusing on what you can control will help you navigate this change with a bit of ease. Focusing on how you can still be part of their lives and on your own personal growth, you’ll begin to see the many possibilities that lie ahead. - Thank first, ask later
Whether you are religious or not, one of the best ways to bring about a positive mindset is to practice gratitude. Take time, when you can, to reflect on what you’re thankful for instead of what you’ve ‘lost.’ Gratitude helps shift your mindset from focusing on what’s missing to appreciating the abundance that already exists in your life. - New life, new goals?
Of course we don’t mean new life, but definitely a lot more time to fill, right? A new chapter presents a perfect foundation to set new personal goals. Whether it’s learning a new skill, traveling to a new place, or fostering new friendships, having something to look forward to can keep you motivated, providing a sense of purpose and direction. - Accept and embrace
At the root of it all is accepting and embracing change—something that is not fully in our control. Change is inevitable, and it’s natural to feel uncertain or uneasy about life’s transitions, but accepting and embracing the changes can make them easier to navigate and adapt to.
While experiencing an empty nest or a smaller social circle, it’s important to have an open mind so you can help transform this phase into a time of self-discovery, personal growth, and new connections.
FAQs
How can I define my identity after my children have left home?
Feeling a shift in role is one of the most common feelings of an empty nest—and it makes sense. Parents are parents for a long time, even after their children become parents themselves—to them it can feel like they have lost their purpose once their children don’t need them to survive out in the world. But, it’s important to understand that, one, your parents forever, and although it may not be with day-to-day life, your kids will always need you. Second, it’s an opportunity to focus on who you are outside of your identity as a parent. Reflect on what brings you joy, what activities you’ve put on hold, and what passions you may want to explore.
How do I stop feeling lonely with an empty house?
The feeling of isolation and loneliness can be hard to navigate, but there are ways to help achieve some relief. Making some small additions and changes by being proactive you can help those feelings of isolation.
– Strengthen existing relationships by reaching out to friends and family.
– Join clubs, interest groups, or community events to meet new people.
– Volunteering or participating in group activities can provide meaningful social interactions, and don’t forget the value of online communities can keep you connected with like-minded individuals.
How can I make my home feel like home again after the kids leave?
Children are known to be the lights of home with their loud personalities and contagious laughter. After they leave, homes can feel harder to come home to. Remember that your home is what helped your children find their home, but there are also ways that you can actively help yourself feel better. One of these ways, for example, could be through redecorating or rearranging spaces to reflect your current needs and preferences, such as a cozy reading nook, an art corner, or a home office.