Grief is a subjective emotion, and while it doesn’t seem to be as fleeting as gentler emotions, it still is. Understanding grief is not something anyone thinks of while going through it—it can be a profound and overwhelming emotion that can affect different individuals differently.
Individuals who have experienced grief due to loss may feel pressure to manage their grief within the context of familiar expectations and societal norms. So, often, while going through grief, the last thing we’d want is someone telling us how to get over it. The experience of grief is universal, but its waves and intensity can be all-encompassing. However, learning and understanding how grief can impact your health—especially your mental health—can help you arm yourself with tools to help navigate your emotions.
While community, culture, and tradition can hold comforting values to navigate grief, understanding the mental and emotional impact of grief is crucial for healing and well-being.
Understanding Grief
What is grief?
Grief, although overwhelming, is a natural response to any form of loss experienced. It essentially is an emotional reaction to the absence of someone or something significant, whether through death, life changes, or loss of independence. Often, grief is clubbed with bereavement, but it is important to remember that it can be a result of many situations, such as loss of health, loss of a job, or even the loss of a personal goal or life dream.
It is not something that can or should be ‘fixed’ in a hurry; rather, more often than not, grief allows us time to introspect. It’s a journey through which you should be encouraged to experience the feelings you are feeling fully and understand that it is normal. When it comes to highly personal feelings, being influenced by cultural, spiritual, or even moral factors is often leaned on. Most commonly, emotions that are associated with grief are of sadness, loneliness, and anger, but relief, although the last step, is still a step.
The stages of grief
Grief is often not one big experience but rather a collection of little experiences that lead to clarity and acceptance. While the stages of grief are commonly spoken about, it is important to understand that dealing with grief is not linear, and your experience is just that—your own.
There are five stages of grief:
(1) Denial: When in denial, we can find it incredibly challenging to accept the reality of the loss we have experienced. During this time, we can feel numb in our emotions or even express sincere disbelief. Most commonly, denial serves as emotional protection, or, as experts would call it, a defense mechanism, so we allow ourselves to adjust to our new circumstances.
(2) Anger: Anger is often the result of unresolved or stirred feelings of frustration and resentment towards the circumstances, themselves, or the something or someone they have lost. Even though at times this feeling of anger can feel uncontrollable, it is still a valid and natural part of the grieving process.
(3) Bargaining: As we get close to adjusting to our new way of life, bargaining is us trying to go back in time and prevent the loss. This is usually expressed by ways of making deals with ourselves or higher powers, hoping that if something different had happened, we wouldn’t have experienced the loss. This is our attempt at trying to take back control and trying to avoid feeling helpless.
(4) Depression: Sadness is felt as we settle ourselves into the reality of our loss. During this time, we often feel intense despair and can feel empty or lonely.
(5) Acceptance: This can be an uncomfortable stage to be at, as it can be associated with the guilt of moving on. But it is important to remember that accepting does not mean forgetting or ‘feeling fine,’ but it means that we have come to terms with the reality of our loss. Pain is not something that should be expected to disappear, and that is an unnecessary burden we often put on ourselves. It’s all about carrying our experience and moving forward.
This is not to say that everyone who experiences grief will experience all stages at the same intensity, in the same order, or at the same time. It’s a process that is impacted by an individual’s emotional health, not by those around them.
The Impact Of Grief On Mental Health
Mental health is rightly a focal point when it comes to grief—while grief can definitely affect physical health, its impact on mental health can be significant and often ignored. Although a natural and temporary emotional response, the effects of grief can feel like they are to be long-lasting.
- Emotional impact: Intense feelings of loss
The emotional effects of grief at the first to show up are easily noticeable. Those that are grieving will experience a strong range of emotions, including sadness, anger, anxiety, guilt, and confusion. These emotions can fluctuate and hit in waves.- The impact on mental health: Emotions that are intense have the ability to affect your mental well-being. Prolonged sadness can lead to feelings of hopelessness, which is one of the diagnosable symptoms of depression. Anxiety is another condition that can arise from feelings of worry about the future or feeling out of control.
- Physical impact: grief within the body
The mental and emotional strain that can be caused by grief can take a toll on the body. This can make the journey of navigating through loss a bit more challenging.- The impact on mental health: Physical symptoms such as constant fatigue, disrupted sleep, and appetite loss can affect mental health, causing irritability, anxiety, and even depression. Fatigue creates a sense of mental exhaustion, which can make it harder to cope with emotions or responsibilities. Sleep disruption can worsen emotional despair because sleep is needed to help regulate emotions. When the body is in discomfort, it’s harder to focus on the healing process, and mental health can deteriorate as a result.
- Cognitive impact: loss of focus and clear thought
It’s very hard to think straight while experiencing grief; thoughts are usually cloudy or foggy, giving rise to feelings of disconnection from usual mental clarity. It is common to be unable to concentrate, make decisions, or even forget.- The impact on mental health: Cognitive fog can make you feel mentally incapacitated and frustrated, which can lead to difficulty focusing and making decisions. Clubbed together, this can affect work performance, family responsibilities, and even self-care, which can further create feelings of helplessness or inadequacy. The increase in stress and mental strain can lead to feelings of anxiety and depression.
- Long-term effects
While grief is a natural process and eventually does subside, for some individuals it can lead to long-lasting mental health challenges. If the process is prolonged or intensified, it can evolve into a diagnosis of mental health conditions such as anxiety or depression. One of the more complex outcomes for grief, for example, is ‘complicated grief’—this happens when grief becomes persistent and affects day-to-day life and function.
Understanding the ways that grief can affect your mental health is not to scare or worry you into acceptance. It is just a tool to help you understand better what you are feeling and why you could be feeling it. This will allow you to seek support when you are ready and have the right ways to communicate what you may be feeling to those you trust. Therapy and counselling, along with loved ones, provide a safe space for you to both process the intense feelings associated with grief and also arm you with tools to help with your mental health during that time.
How To Manage And Cope With Grief And Loss
- Feel your emotions fully: It is important that you don’t ignore your feelings even if they feel as though they are intense or inconvenient. Acknowledging your feelings is the first and most effective step to avoid suppressing your emotions. Understanding your anger, sadness, or confusion will help you heal without the pressure of having to ‘move on’ before you are ready.
- Say ‘yes’ to help: Grief is an isolating emotional response, and although hard, connecting with those you trust can help you experience relief. Whether you choose to do it with family, friends, or in a grief support group is entirely up to you, but having someone to talk to can bring comfort and perspective during a difficult time.
- Take care of yourself: When you are experiencing grief, normal self-care rituals can seem unimportant, such as eating, showering, sleeping, or moving the body. Try to help yourself by keeping yourself a priority—it can alleviate stress and anxiety. Practices like meditation and deep breathing help both calm the mind and body as well.
- Seek out professional help: Seeking out professional help through therapy and counselling has a strong stigma attached to it—it’s unnecessary. In fact, if grief is causing stress and affecting daily life, seeking professional help will help you process your grief in a healthy way. Professionals most importantly help you with tools to navigate your emotional healing.
- Give yourself grace: There is no set timeline to grief, and it can be cyclical—don’t rush your healing. Give yourself the space and time you need to process your loss and be patient and gentle with yourself to accept it.
Grief is a deeply personal experience, and for those navigating this right now, it is important to understand this. Its effects on mental health are real and normal, and you can take steps to help yourself get past those troughs. Through acknowledging the emotional and physical effects, seeking support, and employing coping strategies, it is possible to heal and regain a sense of balance in life.
FAQs
How long will I grieve for?
Grief can feel as though it will last forever, but there is no set time in which someone overcomes grief. Some may feel better after a few weeks, while others can take longer. It is important to grieve in your way and be patient with yourself without giving yourself a deadline.
Can grief lead to depression?
Prolonged, persistent, and intense grief can develop into depression; this would include profound feelings of sadness over weeks or months that interfere with daily life. During this time of complicated grief, it is important to seek out help.
How can I help someone who is grieving?
There is no right answer to this. If you are helping someone who is grieving, catering to their needs, lending a listening ear, respecting their mourning process, and providing emotional support are just some of the ways you can help. The reason why there is no right answer is because a cup of coffee can be just as comforting as a therapy session—navigating grief is a personal journey. The best place to be is to offer comfort without offering to ‘fix’ them.
Is it normal to feel relief after experiencing loss?
Relief too, although often accompanied with guilt, is a very normal response after loss. Examples of these could include loss after prolonged illness or a difficult situation.